Me and my mommy in the summer of 1970. She was 28 years old and I was 1.


The Complicated Story of Loving our Mothers

It is rare to see a picture with all five of us. Someone was in a bad mood, someone was angry at someone else, or someone was out, or someone was too cool, or someone just didn’t like how they looked that day.
  • My mother’s pain from her own childhood defines how she parents. She will do her very best to be better than her mother was even though her mother did her very best too and all the way back to the beginning of time.
  • My mother’s love will protect me whether I have asked for it or not.
  • How we understand our mother’s love will change when we become parents ourselves.
  • When we realize that parenting is the most important and hardest role we will ever play, we begin to forgive our mother’s humanity.
  • The relationship we have with our mothers continues to change throughout our lives — and I have been told, even after they are gone.
You can read more about this in my blog, Six Years, when I was sick and my mother took care of me in the hospital 14 hours a day and when they finally removed all the tubes and I was going to get better, only then, did she fall asleep in my hospital bed next to me.
  • My mother would take my pain any day so that I don’t have to suffer.
  • The moment that our mothers see our face drop or our body language change because of something they have said or done, they feel our pain and wish they could have taken those words back.
  • In addition to our pain, our mothers feel our joy, our accomplishments, and our fears as if they were their own.
  • It is often difficult to separate our emotions from our mothers.
  • When we watch our mothers with our children we have the gift of seeing the purity of our mother’s love wrapped around our own children.
  • The greatest gifts we can give our mothers are forgiveness, understanding, acceptance and love.
  • Oh…and grandchildren so they have the chance to do it all over again with a little less drama. ❤️
Watching my mother with my children has been one of the greatest gifts. When her grandchildren are in her arms, whether Rachel who reluctantly embraces or Max who spins my mother around the dance floor, or any floor for that matter, every stress, every disappointment, every doubt melts from her face and she allows herself to be fully embraced by the love.



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Dr Debbie Donsky

REFLECTIVE STANCE writer, thinker, drawer, painter, designer, mommy, teacher, leader, learner of all things