What I am left with after different people’s reactions to what I wrote is that people want to fix it. They want to say something trite like, “At least you have another child…” as if that could erase the pain and loss or “At least he has lived a long life” as if that makes it okay that you have lost someone you love.

I think that the best thing to say is, “tell me about her…about you and her….about your love….your bond…the gifts that you celebrate…the love that you shared…the blessing that she continues to be in your life that has left you empty but also fulfilled you in a way nothing else ever has…” We just need to bear witness, listen and be able to sit with those who have lost someone they love and in that way, none of us is ever lost.

I once lost a student and her mom told me that loss is another form of love. How blessed we are to have loved so deeply that our loss is so profound.

Thank you for taking the time to write to me.

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